15. But(t) it’s not my birthday?

T gave me a present this weak. The prettiest butt plug I’ve ever seen. It’s all metallic, hard and heavy and the best part (the pretty part!) is that it has a large sparkle long turquoise jewel at the base.

I am very happy T gave me a present but it is not the most comfy plug I’ve worn. It hurts a bit to take in and out because it has absolutely no give. It’s just hard and relentless. The edges of the base also kind of scratch the sensitive skin around the hole so I have to place some fabric around it is ok going to walk around or I will break the skin.

T has instructed me to wear it one hour every day and I really love that. I love when he gives me small assignments that keeps me motivated to be submissive throughout the day.

He has some other assignments in the works to but more about that in another post. I just wanted to share my pretty present with you. What do you think?

Day 7: Communication – 30 days of D/s

Me and T are participating in a writing excercise called “30 days of D/s” on LovingBDSM . You will find T’s answer at the end of this post. None if us has seen the others answers before posting but we do discuss them afterwards.

What is your communication style? What happens when you try to communicate your thoughts or needs?

Brianna writes:

Talking with T is my favorite thing in the whole world. If I could only choose one person to talk with forever it would be him. Or maybe one of our kids. Probably the oldes one because she is so frikkin smart. Or the youngest one because he is crazy. Ah! Why did I start down this track? Back to business.

I talk a lot. I love talking. Talking is awesome. I think fast and talk fast. Everyone else usually seems to talk and think in slow motion. I really try to remember that not everyone else’s brain is as intense as mine but when I get emotional, which is very likely in a relationship, I just lose all kinds of leniency and annoyance builds up very fast.

(Sorry T that you have to deal with this. But this is my brain and you love my sexy, crazy brain. Try to remember that!)

I am very good at describing things in metaphors and I think that helps T to understand my way of thinking. Sometimes. He also gets a lot out of me writing here on the blog or writing texts. We also do some communication through “To do”-lists in different ways. For example I can write things I can’t handle and then T has to deal with it or force me to deal with it. It’s a work in progress.

T writes:

I love talking to Brianna, I love her intelligence, compassion and I especially lover her humor.

She can speak for hours and never run out of things to say and never really need a dialog.

Me on the other hand, I need a help initiating conversation. When I feel comfortable I can speak for a long time too. This has been a bit of an issue.Brianna is almost always the driving force in our communication and when she feels low on energy or sad or for some other reason can’t be the initiator our communication Jan come to a halt. I’ve started being better at it but I’ve got a long way to go.

When we talk it’s with a lot of sarcasm and humor. We have fun together!

Read our other blogs on 30 days of D/s

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna

14. An evening reminder spanking

This is sort of a story, sort of a dream, sort of a musing… I don’t really know what to call it. It’s for T because I want him to know how I feel. This is not a real event but it’s based on real events. And I hope it will be sort of a real event. Maybe tonight.

An evening reminder spanking

My evening routine is done and I feel ready to go to bed. Well not really ready because I kind of hate going to bed. Evenings and nights are my favorite time of the day (haha) and having a 11 pm bedtime is really annoying in some ways. I know that if I make a fuss about it T will change it to 10 pm so I’ll just be happy it’s 11 for now.

I find T in the garage and tell him “I am ready”. “Well done, go in and read and I’ll be with you when I’m done”. I give him a quick kiss and he pulls me in and gives me a warm hug.

Part of my evening routine is getting the bedroom ready so when I open the door it looks very tidy, cool and welcoming. I lay down on the bed with my book and pull a blanket over me. Our bedroom is always cold and I love that. But not without something to warm me up. Like a blanket. Or something else.

I start reading but I have a hard time concentrating because I am constantly listening for T and my brain is analyzing every sound from outside the bedroom so I put my earplugs in. Better!

T comes in and places a chair next to the bed. I sit up next to him and he takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. We talk for a bit about nothing and then we start going through “the list”.

The list is exactly what it sounds like: A list of things that I am supposed to do during the day. I’ve already had one punishment spanking today because I forgot to put my necklace (day collar) on this morning. 90 hard hand spankings. They really, really hurt but I am happy I got them because I know it means a lot to T that I wear the necklace. He loves seeing it and playing with it. I especially love it when he does it in public. Gives me a warm feeling of belonging and excitement.

I have not blogged in a while so we talk about that and try to figure out what to do about it. My suggestion is that blogging becomes a “required” activity that always has to be done every day to avoid physical punishment. T agrees and he also decides that I will have a reminder spanking now to motivate me not to skip blogging tomorrow.

It’s been a good day and I’ve managed to accomplish all the other tasks today. Yeay! T instructs me to go around the bed and lay down with my legs on the footstool and the rest of my body on the bed. He sits next to me and takes a firm grip around my hips.

“I will give you a warmup spankings to prepare for the reminder spanking. Your spanking will be at least 90 spanks but I will not stop until I feel it’s enough. Hopefully this will be enough to get you back on track. I know you can do better.

You have not blogged in some weeks and I need you to be better. You need to blog to organize your thoughts to track your progress. Do you agree?

“Yes I do”

I need to read your texts to be able to understand you better. Do you understand?

“Yes, I do”

Starting tomorrow you will blog everyday or you will be punished. Do you accept this?

“Yes, of course”

Do you want to add something before we continue?

“No I am ready. ”

The warmup makes a lot of difference to the real spankings that comes afterwards. Just one minute if warmups makes my buttocks more tolerant to the pain that comes afterwards. When I am punished during the day there is no warmup. It has to be quick and it needs to be on point.

In the evenings I am more emotional and tired so doing a hard spankings with no warmup would not be very constructive and it would probably rather have a bad affect on my behavior than a good one.

T warms up the skin all over my buttocks with quick, medium spanks. I feel the excitement rise in my body but I know I will not feel it in a minute. During hard punishments I just feel the pain and try to submit to it. Well at least that’s what my brain does. My body however loves the pain and after I’ve revived a punishment and have calmed down I can feel how my body is burning, and not just my red backside.

The real spanking starts. For some months T has been going easy on me with the pain during spankings but after we had a talk last week he has really stepped up. After just 15 spanks I feel like I’ve had enough and can’t see how I will get through all 90. Thankfully, T does them in 30×3 so I get a little break to collect myself and prepare.

During the last 10 I can’t keep quiet anymore and my soft moans and “aaaaoooos” becomes soft screams into my pillow.

He stops after 90 and I am very happy he did. He lays down beside me in the bed and I curl up closer to him. This is everything I ever wanted and more. I am perfectly happy in that moment.

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna

Day 6: Conflict – 30 days of D/s

Me and T are participating in a writing excercise called “30 days of D/s” on LovingBDSM . You will find T’s answer at the end of this post. None if us has seen the others answers before posting but we do discuss them afterwards.

How do you handle conflict now? How do you imagine handling it in D/s? What do you think you’ll need to do differently in a D/s relationship?

Brianna: For the first 3 years we were together I don’t think we had one conflict. I remember reflecting over wit and comparing it to my only other relationship that was more or less always about conflict every day. After we had our first child it got a bit more tense and after the second one… we’ll, let’s just say I might not have been the most polite and friendly wife.

T would never start the fights or conflicts. He would just be the reason for them. Kidding. Sort of. I am the one with the temper and blood sugar that just crashes and makes me into a real D-I-V-A (you know the Snickers commercial? So me!) !

The last couple of years have been tough. As of this summer we’ve been together for 8 years but we’ve had a really high tempo in everything we’ve done. Wedding, kids, house, work… We really just forgot about taking time for each other.

When our D/s relationship is strong we have absolutely no conflicts. It’s not about me not being allowed to have opinions or raise my voice (that would NEVER work!) but rather that I have found ways to express myself better and that we have found ways to deal with more and more things that usually leads to conflicts.

I can’t say exactly what we do differently now. It’s not really the way of dealing with conflicts that is different but rather that we don’t get to the point where a discussion becomes a conflict. One thing I know is different is that T has started to take more responsibility in our daily life. Before it has always been that he has waited for me to give instructions and to get things going. Now he takes more initiative and just does things without me having to tell him every little step.

For me this is a huge change. I am constantly thinking of ways I can make everyone happy and it can and has really drained me of energy over a long, long time. Finally I feel like I have some moments to come up for air and I hope there will be more and more.

The other side

T: I believe it’s a big difference between an “ordinary” D/s relationship and a domestic D/s one. Mainly because every day life life is always present: bills needs to be paid, differences in the way we want to raise our children and so on. Those conflicts appear on a daily basis. Before we immersed ourselves in this wonderful thing we usually just bottled it all up until we had a argument which always lead to lying in bed talking and crying (Yes, it was me. I did the crying. Brianna always ends up comforting me.).

Then came our first attempt, Brianna’s mental walls went down, and I failed to be her “mental guardian” which I had promised her. That lead to her showing all of her irritation, sadness and anger and I couldn’t to get that under control except for a few days. During those days she was the happiest I had seen her in years.

Wanting to be close to me. I Hate that I didn’t be what I promised her, that I failed her and missed out of her closeness all this time.

Now this time I feel we can handle it a whole lot better. We take it at a pace that lets me grow into a natural position instead of running before I even left the fricking womb. And Brianna is amazing, I know I can be a little (we are talking junk-mail-that-you-never-seem-to-be-able-to-unsubscribe-from-level) annoying and irritating. But she calms herself down now and I hope it is partly because she feels I’m a lot more secure with myself. I still doubt myself especially when she’s really deep in her depression. When all my instincts say that I should just cradle and shelter, hug and say beautiful things to her. And I do those things and that makes her fall even deeper. Instead of doing what she wants and needs.

Brianna: … and that would be a nice and hard spanking, please and thank you!

Go to all posts on our 30 days of D/s

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna

13. Oh London Baby!

[Warning – there is almost no sexy-sexy stuff in this post. Just so you know!]

I am back! We really had an amazing time London and each other. From the moment T threw me down on the bed the first thing he did when we came to the hotel on Thursday and onwards. Apart from dinner, breakfast, lunch and all minimal sleeping it’s just been us, the bed and some epic fun.

The first morning started of with me having the most horrible nightmare about the kids at home. I don’t usually cry very much and even though I got a bit shaken by the dream I felt I was just fine. I was NOT fine. That became obvious when I told T about the dream and just started crying hysterically. A delayed reaction to T‘s accident on Thursday in combination with leaving the kids at home. I guess my brain just had to process it for some time before it broke down. Don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to T. Glad I’ll never have to find out since we are both going to live forever (or for as long as we want to).

Other than the breakdown London was EPIC. And we bought a lot of new fun toys so that’s going to be fun! I’ll tell you all about it in upcoming post(s). Now I have to catch up on some (blog)reading!

12. Bye, bye Sweden

So you know the feeling when you have absolutely everything under control befor going on a lovely little weekend trip with your love? Everything is prepared with kids, dogs, work, tickets, packing, airport ride, hotels, activities and you are just totally on top of things. And then said love calls and tells you they’ve been in a car accident 1 hour before you are going to leave for the airport. Not really the best start to the love-dovey-sexy-loving-trip.

Am I a witch?

Thank fully everything turned out well and we made it to London (baby!) but we are both a bit freaked out about the whole thing. The craziest thing is that I had such a horrible feeling about T driving this morning but since I hate flying I always feel bad about almost everything when those days are approaching. So now I wonder:

1. Am I a witch who made this accident happen just by thinking it?

2. Am I a psychic who can see (feel!) the future?

3. Was it a random coincidence?

4. Or is it maybe that I actually hate every time T is out driving without me so the fact that the accident happened had nothing to do with anything at all?

(I really hope it’s not alternative 1. That would be taking manifestation way to far!)

Anyway. London is our destination and we are planning to not spend much time outside of our room. We are traveling with friends but it’s with the kind of friends you only have to see at dinner and it’s ok. Also, we’ve been to London a hundred million times (give or take) so there’s no need at all for any sightseeing. One musical show and that’s it. (But that show happens to be Hamilton and we’ve hade the tickets for 1,5 years now. I can’t believe it’s finally happening and I don’t think I can wait for it any longer…

11. One week anniversary

I think life is all about celebrating your wins and finding joy in what you actually manage to do.

So as of today I have officially blogged for a whole week. I didn’t write just three super ambitions posts and then disappear. No no no. I am still here. One week and 18 blogposts later.

(Ok so technically I started my blog on a different platform and after fighting with it for 3 days I went back home to WordPress again. Thank God!)

Here are some highlights from my first epic week! (My week was epic. Not saying that the blogposts are epic. I am not saying that they are not epic either. Just sayin’!)

1. Starting Brianna – about me and some basic stuff

4. The road so far – Me and T and our love story so far (and a nerdy little flirt to a certain tv-show we both love!)

5. Stinging nettles spanking – Not fun. Not fun at all!

7. Sinful Sunday Newb – My boobs got some lovely attention this week

Thank you for reading my blog! You are so awesome!!! Love Brianna