Day 6: Conflict – 30 days of D/s

Me and T are participating in a writing excercise called “30 days of D/s” on LovingBDSM . You will find T’s answer at the end of this post. None if us has seen the others answers before posting but we do discuss them afterwards.

How do you handle conflict now? How do you imagine handling it in D/s? What do you think you’ll need to do differently in a D/s relationship?

Brianna: For the first 3 years we were together I don’t think we had one conflict. I remember reflecting over wit and comparing it to my only other relationship that was more or less always about conflict every day. After we had our first child it got a bit more tense and after the second one… we’ll, let’s just say I might not have been the most polite and friendly wife.

T would never start the fights or conflicts. He would just be the reason for them. Kidding. Sort of. I am the one with the temper and blood sugar that just crashes and makes me into a real D-I-V-A (you know the Snickers commercial? So me!) !

The last couple of years have been tough. As of this summer we’ve been together for 8 years but we’ve had a really high tempo in everything we’ve done. Wedding, kids, house, work… We really just forgot about taking time for each other.

When our D/s relationship is strong we have absolutely no conflicts. It’s not about me not being allowed to have opinions or raise my voice (that would NEVER work!) but rather that I have found ways to express myself better and that we have found ways to deal with more and more things that usually leads to conflicts.

I can’t say exactly what we do differently now. It’s not really the way of dealing with conflicts that is different but rather that we don’t get to the point where a discussion becomes a conflict. One thing I know is different is that T has started to take more responsibility in our daily life. Before it has always been that he has waited for me to give instructions and to get things going. Now he takes more initiative and just does things without me having to tell him every little step.

For me this is a huge change. I am constantly thinking of ways I can make everyone happy and it can and has really drained me of energy over a long, long time. Finally I feel like I have some moments to come up for air and I hope there will be more and more.

The other side

T: I believe it’s a big difference between an “ordinary” D/s relationship and a domestic D/s one. Mainly because every day life life is always present: bills needs to be paid, differences in the way we want to raise our children and so on. Those conflicts appear on a daily basis. Before we immersed ourselves in this wonderful thing we usually just bottled it all up until we had a argument which always lead to lying in bed talking and crying (Yes, it was me. I did the crying. Brianna always ends up comforting me.).

Then came our first attempt, Brianna’s mental walls went down, and I failed to be her “mental guardian” which I had promised her. That lead to her showing all of her irritation, sadness and anger and I couldn’t to get that under control except for a few days. During those days she was the happiest I had seen her in years.

Wanting to be close to me. I Hate that I didn’t be what I promised her, that I failed her and missed out of her closeness all this time.

Now this time I feel we can handle it a whole lot better. We take it at a pace that lets me grow into a natural position instead of running before I even left the fricking womb. And Brianna is amazing, I know I can be a little (we are talking junk-mail-that-you-never-seem-to-be-able-to-unsubscribe-from-level) annoying and irritating. But she calms herself down now and I hope it is partly because she feels I’m a lot more secure with myself. I still doubt myself especially when she’s really deep in her depression. When all my instincts say that I should just cradle and shelter, hug and say beautiful things to her. And I do those things and that makes her fall even deeper. Instead of doing what she wants and needs.

Brianna: … and that would be a nice and hard spanking, please and thank you!

Go to all posts on our 30 days of D/s

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna

13. Oh London Baby!

[Warning – there is almost no sexy-sexy stuff in this post. Just so you know!]

I am back! We really had an amazing time London and each other. From the moment T threw me down on the bed the first thing he did when we came to the hotel on Thursday and onwards. Apart from dinner, breakfast, lunch and all minimal sleeping it’s just been us, the bed and some epic fun.

The first morning started of with me having the most horrible nightmare about the kids at home. I don’t usually cry very much and even though I got a bit shaken by the dream I felt I was just fine. I was NOT fine. That became obvious when I told T about the dream and just started crying hysterically. A delayed reaction to T‘s accident on Thursday in combination with leaving the kids at home. I guess my brain just had to process it for some time before it broke down. Don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to T. Glad I’ll never have to find out since we are both going to live forever (or for as long as we want to).

Other than the breakdown London was EPIC. And we bought a lot of new fun toys so that’s going to be fun! I’ll tell you all about it in upcoming post(s). Now I have to catch up on some (blog)reading!

12. Bye, bye Sweden

So you know the feeling when you have absolutely everything under control befor going on a lovely little weekend trip with your love? Everything is prepared with kids, dogs, work, tickets, packing, airport ride, hotels, activities and you are just totally on top of things. And then said love calls and tells you they’ve been in a car accident 1 hour before you are going to leave for the airport. Not really the best start to the love-dovey-sexy-loving-trip.

Am I a witch?

Thank fully everything turned out well and we made it to London (baby!) but we are both a bit freaked out about the whole thing. The craziest thing is that I had such a horrible feeling about T driving this morning but since I hate flying I always feel bad about almost everything when those days are approaching. So now I wonder:

1. Am I a witch who made this accident happen just by thinking it?

2. Am I a psychic who can see (feel!) the future?

3. Was it a random coincidence?

4. Or is it maybe that I actually hate every time T is out driving without me so the fact that the accident happened had nothing to do with anything at all?

(I really hope it’s not alternative 1. That would be taking manifestation way to far!)

Anyway. London is our destination and we are planning to not spend much time outside of our room. We are traveling with friends but it’s with the kind of friends you only have to see at dinner and it’s ok. Also, we’ve been to London a hundred million times (give or take) so there’s no need at all for any sightseeing. One musical show and that’s it. (But that show happens to be Hamilton and we’ve hade the tickets for 1,5 years now. I can’t believe it’s finally happening and I don’t think I can wait for it any longer…

11. One week anniversary

I think life is all about celebrating your wins and finding joy in what you actually manage to do.

So as of today I have officially blogged for a whole week. I didn’t write just three super ambitions posts and then disappear. No no no. I am still here. One week and 18 blogposts later.

(Ok so technically I started my blog on a different platform and after fighting with it for 3 days I went back home to WordPress again. Thank God!)

Here are some highlights from my first epic week! (My week was epic. Not saying that the blogposts are epic. I am not saying that they are not epic either. Just sayin’!)

1. Starting Brianna – about me and some basic stuff

4. The road so far – Me and T and our love story so far (and a nerdy little flirt to a certain tv-show we both love!)

5. Stinging nettles spanking – Not fun. Not fun at all!

7. Sinful Sunday Newb – My boobs got some lovely attention this week

Thank you for reading my blog! You are so awesome!!! Love Brianna

10. No more standing still (Thank God!)

I don’t know if you have noticed but I’ve been getting more and more irritate about how intolerable slooooowly we are going forward on our domestic discipline journey. If you haven’t you are very likely visiting my blog for the first time (Welcome! There’s an epic mini-rant and major freakout coming up. Just sit back, read, relax and thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to be in charge of me)

Reaching my limit of no limits

So yesterday I obviously reached my limit. It wasn’t going slowly anymore. The whole DD-train had stopped without even reaching the first stop and even worse: I think it had even started backing up! I did the only sensible thing I could think of in this situation I … what? … talked with T about it? No of course not! I just turned of all emotions and decided to not have a day at all yesterday. No waking up, no eating food, no fun, no contact with the world… just kind of skipping Thursday.

What do you mean “that’s not really what other people would classify as “sensible” Brianna!”. Well ok. It might not have been the best way to handle it in retrospect. Anyway.

I think since our failed attempt at DD in March we both got really scared and hurt but I very different ways. It’s probably super good to take it slow but it is not enough. The amount of active D/s right now is kind of like if I had an asthma attack and somebody suggested that they could blow air in you face. It sort of feels like it could work if you know absolutely nothing at all about asthma but really it does nothing. That’s how I have felt and yesterday I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Freak out-time

Was this it? It this what T really wants? He writes all this awesome stuff that I include here on the blog for our 30 days of D/s but at home. Almost nothing. I constantly feel that he is looking to me for approval and guidance. If it were to just give assurances and affirmations I have absolutely no problem with that. I actually really, really like boosting other people up and that includes T very much. But I don’t want to be in charge of my own discipline. Come on! I can’t go around dominating myself.

(Well that’s not true. I do that all the time. Or my brain does. Seriously, you should come for a visit in my brain sometime. Afterwards you would really appreciate the quiet of your own brain. You know that whole concentration on just one thing and getting it done you do? Well my brain doesn’t do that. It also apparently can’t keep track of what it is it is ranting about. Moving on.)

So yesterday I just felt all was going towards a crash again (or sort of slowly rolling back into the station again). At least it wouldn’t be as big of a crash as last time since we barely hadn’t gotten started at all this time. I started thinking about how hard it has been to open up to submission this time and would I be able to do it a third time? How would I prevent falling into that deep pit of no-subbing?

That’s what I do btw. I try to figure out everything that can go wrong and try to solve the problems before they even happen. T is exactly the opposite: He rather just hope for the best and solve all things as he moves along. We are very well matched in many respects but here we are just colliding in the worst way ever.

I don’t want to engage fully in anything before we’ve structured, planed and truly talked about everything and he doesn’t see the point of discussing things that probably will not happen. So instead: We stand still. Fun times.

All this kind of left me almost in a state of constant replay of how everything was just awful and staring out into nothingness. I am not as “stearing out into nothingness”-person. Not looking at my phone for 1 minute usually makes me itchy. Something was clearly wrong and finally at 23:55 last night T was able to reach into my irritation, anger and bitterness.

Magic happened. Kind of.

I don’t know how else to describe it. Well ok so the magic was me just opening up about how I felt like everything was just pretend and I need so much more. And it turned out to be a great conversation (which also ended up in mega awesome sex btw!) where (like always!) it turned out we want the same thing and that we are ready to really step it up.

I can’t begin to describe how relieved I am. The feeling of “why the hell did I start a frikkin blog absout D/s and DD where there is no D/s or DD at all in our life god damn it?!?!” is almost gone.

We were also so fortunate that we had he whole day home alone today and we are leaving on a trip just the two of us for four days tomorrow. How perfect is this?

Day 5: Punishment + Discipline — 30 days of D/s

Me and T are participating in a writing excercise called “30 days of D/s” on LovingBDSM . You will find T’s answer at the end of this post. None if us has seen the others answers before posting but we do discuss them afterwards.

As a submissive, are you willing to allow a Dominant to discipline or punish you in your relationship? What kinds of punishments can you imagine for bad behavior?

Brianna: It would be a pretty obvious lie if I wrote “No” right now since I’ve already shared at least two images and text after I’ve been disciplined? (Once with stinging nettles and once with the cane.)

My first sexual fantasy ever was about spanking. I was assigned a book for Swedish class when I was 13 and in the first chapter of the book a girl (about my age at that point) got birched by her aunt (I think or maybe a legal guardian of some kind). I just couldn’t stop reading that chapter. Never even got past it and I don’t remember how I did that book report are but I probably just took another book instead. When it was time to give the book back I remember I claimedI lost it somehow. I refused to give it up! (I don’t know where the book went or even what book it was. It would have been cool to find that out now though! It was something about the panda I think? If anyone knows what book it could be pleeeeease help me out!)

I’ve been fascinated by spanking ever since and I have always fantasized about it being “real”. Not just something in a scene when playing. With my husband I kind of gave up on the idea. He is the kindest person in the whole world and I couldn’t really imagine him wanting to spank me for real.

I was so very, very wrong. Not only does he love spanking me but he also can truly see the results it has. He can clearly see the connection between him spanking me and my behavior. And I think that is important.


Good for maintenance and play

Time: Long time. At least 10-15 minutes (depending on the day and my mood). Anything under than that and I don’t get to that magical point where my mind resets.

Force: Middle slowly going up to hard but not so hard that I can’t stand it for 15 minutes.

Body: The softest and most cushioned parts of my buttocks.

With: Thuddy implements like T’s hands or “the salmon” (no going back. That name is sticking!). I love when I almost can feel those deep bruises forming with every strike.

Placement: Over the knee or a table. I want to have all the pressure of my joints so I can really focus on only the pain from the spanking.

How do I hate being spanked?

Good for punishments

Time: Short and efficiency

Force: Hard

Body: Lower buttocks and upper thighs

With: Implements that give a sharp pain like the cane, the vipers tongue or any wispy implements like birch twigs.

Placement: The only one I really didn’t like was diaper position.

Other kinds of punishments

I have to give this some thought because I don’t really know if I want or if my behavior could benefit from other kinds of punishments so that will be a future post. Will try my absolute best to remember linking it here.

The other side

As a Dominant, are you willing to require discipline or give out punishment? What kinds of punishments can you imagine for bad behavior?

T: I absolutely have no problem with dealing out punishments or tasks, what I do have a problem with is remembering actually dealing out the punishment or checking up on if Brianna have done the task given. This is a huge problem that I’m currently trying to solve.

I enjoy being able to help Brianna be the best she can be. I’m willing to test everything when it comes to punishment ideas, I like to fit the punishment to the crime, our latest rule is that Brianna needs to place her bras in the same place so she doesn’t misplace them. If not we are experimenting with nipple clamps. I know Brianna HATES being bored, it crushes her and not in a good way. So I’m trying to add an element of sex/pain in all punishment.

I always make sure that I’m not angry when delivering the punishments, and that Brianna has calmed down abit before doing them. Discipline and punishment is necessary for me, I know it makes us a better couple and that Brianna can be softer if I’m stricter.

Go to all posts on our 30 days of D/s

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna

9. TMI Tuesday Newb

In a very different life (ok, so like 10 years ago) I was a very active blogger. But instead of D/s, spankings and sexy images I just blogged about whatever was my biggest thing right then. The blog changes when I changed. One of my favorite things was doing all sorts of challenges, answering questions and chatting with all other bloggers. So much about blogging that I had no idea I had missed but I am making it up for lost time! Today I am participating in TMI Tuesday. Follow the link to play along!

TMI Tuesday week 24

1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?

First of all I don’t really like ice-cream. I know that that kind of makes people not trust me but there it is. Secondly every mention of ice-cream flavors ever makes me think of Mindy Gledhills song All About Your Heart, a song I have used in projects for work way more often than I should because it’s so awesome.

Well, I guess I’ll just be T’s favourite so say Hello! to Phish Food (or pretty much any Ben & Jerry’s that has chocolate in it!)

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

I am very creative when it comes to punishments, humiliation, scenes and pretty much everything “sexy” and I sometimes wish I was the dominant because I would make a submissive very, very happy in that way.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship?

I am the biggest problem we have. Sometimes I feel like nothing is ever enough and that expect way to much. Or feel like I’m the most complicated sub ever. Or person.

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?

When I am happy I make all moments in life exciting. Also I am very funny.

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

That I am strong in every way and that what they see on my social media for my business persona is how I actually feel about life.

Bonus: When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

I love everything about images of myself. For a long time I had so many issues with my body in so many ways but for the last year or so I have landed at a place where I am so content.

And I wish I could tell myself how beautiful I am, both then and now! How I wish I could tell 12 year old Brianna with a DD-cup that you are going to love those boobs one day (and find a man who loves them very much but that is just a bonus because we are not defining our value based on a mans opinion of us. But it’s still nice.)

That I could tell 18-year old Brianna that all bodies are shaped differently and just because you wear bigger sizes than your friends doesn’t make you less worthy as a person.

Oh, if I could go back to 27-year old Brianna. I want to be there for her when she’s looking at her wedding photos with such hate towards her own body. I want to tell her that she is absolutely radiating and that she will come to love those images and treasure them for all her life.

Do you want to play along with TMI Tuesday? Click here to find out how!

Thank you for reading my blog. You are so awesome! Love Brianna